Have you ever been to Sweden? Don’t, unless you are a supermodel or Thor’s more handsome cousin. When you go to a 7/11 in Sweden you are served by Claudia Schiffer and David Gandy is your taxi driver. It is a land of breathtaking beauty that makes you feel so inadequate you want to hide back under the bridge you feel like you are living under.

So much natural and physical beauty should be good for the soul, but it makes me feel like the runt of the human litter and slices through my fragile ego like a knife through herring.

Plus their salted licourice tastes like the devil’s droppings.